Start from a chill breeze resided early morning in the park, I see her walking from my left sight. She looks so self-controlled, meticulous, and yet beautiful. My outlook to her is ignored as she gave ‘not-interested’ expression. She is on her way to snub all eyes dropped on her. It was so-called ‘Love at first site for me‘ for the first ever time. More from her research, I gathered information that she lives in my nearby and my mom knows her mom. Her name was ‘Sanjana’ as beautiful as her name. Some mutual friends told me that expecting to get her is hopeless. But I understood the kind of situation that is why unlike all, I don’t not gave her so intense gaze. Eventually, I somewhat talked to her after get introduced by the mom. We talked for a couple of minutes covering the general conversation. She is sober, worthy and respectful. But I saw the emptiness and sadness flooded in her eyes hiding behind her formal smile. Those occasional conversations go on boost up by the mutual topic we talk about. Our conversation verves daily and she also likes the way to make her laugh by my random tactful thoughts. The minute conversation turned up to hours. She was glad that I am only friend that chat to her. And my primary attempt to cloud a friendship bond rather than get into her. Cause I think, the bond of trust is sturdier the bond of love. Because of her, I graved my friendship with my entire bonkers friend. One her birthday, I gave her white rose and scribbles some words to describe her beauty. Her eyes explicitly told the real happiness.
I half-heartedly gather to tell my feelings to her with nervousness and anxiety. On that following day, when we met, I decided to take her out. “Yes” she said without flex between the hesitations! She emanate up in the cute dress picked for the occasion. Though gorgeous, I saw happiness in her expression and in eyes as well. Restaurant, Next to the seashore the place I picked to tell her my feeling was looking so faded beautiful while comparing with her. I told her my emotions saying
“I love you since the day I saw you! For me, your my first love and last too”
Hearing this, she plunged single drop from her eyes and her head tilted to hide her tears and it goes hidden behind the strands of her hair. She ultimately grabbed me in her arms signaling the answer as her emotional response. But on a sudden shock, she pushed me back and awfully crying left the place. I was so stunned with her momentum at the sudden change. My mouth widen up by her reaction. I shouted her name in an amplified sound interrogative “WHY?” About her action. She soaked her dry cheeks with the sleeves of her tee and walked away from my sight. After that, I directly go to her dwelling but her mom avoids me to talk to her by giving some illogical excuses. That night, I wasn’t in a state of sleep but get stack of rejected calls and non-replied SMSes which have been send to her. She ignored me whenever we met. She was back to her “NOT-INTERESTED” expressions.
My in-lost days are shabby like my weirdly grown beard. I go numb when people talk to me and lost in the fragile memories slide show of the days when we’re together. One day, from our mutual friends, I heard the news that she was dead after fighting with some unknown cause. My world hammered the worst fortune over my heart. I was terribly crying over my condition. On next second, I go to her home asking to ruthless buzzing question in my mind.
Her mom welcomed me to come like my mom. Hugged me. Before I ask something to her, she goes inside a room and reverts back with a letter in her hands. She wept after deliver it to me and left me alone in my state of mind.
The letter says:
Hey! you my Mad boy!
I know you love me on the top layer of your heart. For me, I have the same feeling to you. Nobody can love you more than me. I am sorry to leave you there like a nerd at best moment of my life. I have my reason to leave you. You know what; I was suffering from HIV AIDS from my years by a syringe. That’s why I don’t want anybody to come aside me. But you broke the borders of my heart. I was also fall in the love with you. But I am glad that I have gone through the most fabulous feeling of the world and with you. You’re always been there in my tears and in my joy. But I have my limit of not going physical with you. Coz’ you also knows that love is about soul not about body. I miss you endlessly. I would be gone when you read this. And we’ll meet after this existence. Sorry for hurting you the most!
Take care of yourself.
Yours only
Sanjana
I was almost dead after reading this but I was happy that I got the definition of pure love. Love is a paramount over all. Live with those who loves you the fullest. respect the feelings so the people who loves you.
Syed Khizar Ahmed
CampusWriting * Udaipur 